I've finally returned from Texas and have been attempting to wrap my head around the composition of interesting tidbits and whatnots, but the cumulative intensity of nursing a dying parent has taken a bit of mental toll, and I find myself just trying to catch my breath at the moment, despite greater authorial aspirations. I did read Rilke's The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge while there, and came across many a sweet passage, though overall the book seemed to reel me in and bore me equally at intervals. Of course, a "novel" composed of existential musings on death, mixed handily with a smattering of ghost stories can't be anything but good in the final analysis; as usual, Rilke shines when he writes about writing and waxes poetic about poetics:
I think I ought to begin to do some work, now that I am learning to see. I am twenty-eight years old, and almost nothing has been done. To recapitulate: I have written a study on Carpaccio which is bad, a drama entitled "Marriage", which sets out to demonstrate something false by equivocal means, and some verses. Ah! but verses amount to so little when one writes them young. One ought to wait and gather sense and sweetness a whole life long, and a long life if possible, and then, quite at the end, one might perhaps be able to write ten lines that were good. For verses are not, as people imagine, simply feelings (those one has early enough),--they are experiences. For the sake of a single verse, one must see many cities, men and things, one must know the animals, one must feel how the birds fly and know the gesture with which the little flowers open in the morning. One must be able to think back to roads in unknown regions, to unexpected meetings and to partings one had long seen coming; to days of childhood that are still unexplained, to parents whom one had to hurt when they brought one some joy and one did not grasp it (it was a joy for someone else); to childhood illnesses that so strangely begin with such a number of profound and grave transformations, to days in rooms withdrawn and quiet and to mornings by the sea, to the sea itself, to seas, to nights of travel that rushed along on high and flew with all the stars--and it is not yet enough if one may think of all this. One must have memories of many nights of love, none of which was like the others, of the screams of women in labor, and of light, white, sleeping women in childbed, closing again. But one must also have been beside the dying, must have sat beside the dead in the room with the open window and the fitful noises. And still it is not yet enough to have memories. One must be able to forget them when they are many and one must have the great patience to wait until they have come again. For it is not yet the memories themselves. Not till they have turned to blood within us, to glance and gesture, nameless and no longer to be distinguished from ourselves--not till then can it happen that in a most rare hour the first word of a verse arises in their midst and goes forth from them.
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